The Break In

5 comments

University killed my creativity.

I have written countless reports and plans for various course and work projects over the last 15 years. Thanks to a short stint in private school (thanks mom), I learned at an early age how to effectively write in a technical way. It was my JAM in college and university when I had to write a report. I just knew I’d ace it!

Ok… let’s not expose too much of my nerdy past! Moving on…

While I successfully passed exams and earned my degree, I quickly picked away my own creativity. One piece at a time, it died as I plucked away at my key board. Spending days writing land use plans and mock forest stewardship plans.

Yawn! – Oh I know you were thinking it!

One of the reasons I wanted to start my own blog was to encourage myself to write. Maybe if I wrote a few articles a week I could be inspired to write a book. Maybe I could write about what I love in a way that will make you want to read it! Maybe my words could help people.

Once a week I’d like to write you an original short story. With some practice and your feedback I hope that each week brings a better story than the last!

Without further delay… May I present to you my first effort in creative writing since grade school!

– Cue the trumpets and applause!

The Break In

At 2pm John walked up the driveway and heard rustling sounds in the garage. Maybe the dogs got in there somehow, he thought. Seconds later he heard them barking in the back yard. He paused in the driveway as the sounds continued. Someone must be in there!

He slowly opened the passenger door of his truck, careful not to make a sound. Reaching for the garage door opener, he pushed the button. John could see the figure of a man hunched over the work bench as the door slowly lifted. The man was fumbling through the tools on the bench. The intruder glanced over at John and panicked. He emptied his pockets and raised his hands in surrender.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! They made me do it, I’m sorry!” the man slurred.

John could see the man was drunk as he wobbled and tried to steady himself against the work bench. There was a leather glove pressed against his right hand. He must have grabbed it by the front door, those are my favorite gloves!

“I’m sorry, ok! I didn’t take anything else, you can have it all back!”

“What are you doing in my house? Who made you do it?” John yelled and grabbed the man by his collar.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” The man just stood there limp.

John let go of his jacket and began to calm down. At least he is being cooperative, maybe we can just settle this.

“I’m going to take you to the police station. Get in the truck.”

The man relented and walked with John to the passenger side door and got in. With his heart still pounding, John got in the truck and backed out of the driveway. He deserves punishment but not the maximum punishment, he reasoned. John pulled into the parking spot and the man bolted from the truck. Un-fucking believable! John chased him across the police station parking lot as he headed for the nearest alley. When John reached him, it was like tackling the quarterback in the last moments of the game. He wrapped his arms around the man and brought him to the ground. Immediately the inebriated intruder began swinging his fists. He’s quick for being wasted.

“I didn’t do anything! Leave me alone! You can’t prove anything!” the man screamed, arms flailing at the side of John’s head.

The hood on John’s jacket fell over his face and he couldn’t see. He used all his strength to hold the man down while he took the blows. Screw this! He blindly took a swing with his right fist. John could feel his knuckles crack as he connected with the intruder’s chin. The man slumped to the ground, passing out as John loosened his grip.

Some people in a nearby store came running out of the building.

“What’s going on here?” the store owner said.

“I caught this guy in my house, he broke in, and ran away when I tried to bring him to the police.”

The store owner pulled out his cell phone as the intruder groaned and began to move. While dialing the police, he placed his boot on the man’s chest.

“Don’t move.”

The others began to laugh as they pounded fists on John’s shoulder.

“Way to go Rocky!” they chuckled.

The police took the man in custody and followed John back to the house where he realized he hadn’t actually seen how the man got into the house. The front door was completely smashed. The snow shovel was all bent and laying amongst smashed remnants of various garden decorations from the front yard. Jesus! He just used everything he could get his hands on! The tire iron from the dry box in the back of John’s truck lay on the ground covered in blood. Must have sliced himself when he reached in to unlock the door.

Drops of blood lead down the hallway, past the computer room and toward John’s large TV. The DVDs were tossed around, blood smeared on them and the floor. I’m not looking forward to cleaning that up. The blood continued around the corner to the garage. What a stupid thief! John chuckled to himself. He didn’t even try to find the good stuff!  

“We’ll be in touch and let you know how it turns out. We plan to get him for break and enter and assault.” Said the police officer.

John paused a moment as the officers drove away before surveying the scene by himself. One of the on-lookers from the store came by the house to congratulate “Rocky” a second time. The two men laughed again as they recounted the knock-out punch.

What a day! John shook his head as he began cleaning up the mess.

—————————-

I’d love to hear from you! What are you working on that gets your creative juice flowing? I’d love to hear about what you fill your cup with!

If you have any feedback for my writing, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If this were “Chapter One” Would you read more?

Let me know in the comments or send me an email!

5 comments on “The Break In”

  1. I loved this! I like how you took from your personal experience and grew it into an intriguing story. I have so many questions! So yes, I’d probably read more if this were “chapter 1”. My only “critique” is that I felt the story jumped from the parking lot to John’s house and the damage done. I had to stop and go back, thinking I missed something. Did the cops come? Did the citizens help take the burglar in to the station? I just felt there should have been some sort of wrap up to that little scene before we arrived back at Johns house 😁 otherwise… I’m just wondering now who sent the burglar and why!!!?? 🤔

    1. Good questions! Thank you for your feedback. I had gone over the story so many times (and rewrote it several times) that I didn’t notice the jump in the story line. Now I can see how it feels like something is missing. You’ve inspired me to add more to the story. Thank you! 😁

  2. I would definitely read more and also have lots of questions about why the guy broke in. I feel like there is more to the story and that just around the corner we were going to get a surprise, something John hadn’t thought of or saw earlier so for me, good tension building! I also agree that flow could be flushed out a bit more. Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep going! 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.